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There are a lot of things that happen to you when you're pregnant. A lot of them you know or the books tell you all about (like morning sickness, glowing, and fatigue) – but what about all those things that you don't know? Let me share with you the 25 things no one tells you about pregnancy!
- Discharge. Oh my God, the discharge! It's new and texture-y and there is SO MUCH of it.
- Peeing While You Sneeze. I do not care how many Kegels you do – eventually, you're gonna wet yourself after sneezing (or coughing) unexpectedly.
- You're Either Constipated Or Have The Runs. It's one or the other. Deal.
- Driving Sucks. Oh man, this one was a surprise. The pressure of the baby on my lower body when I drove was incredibly uncomfortable (not to mention the pressure on my bladder). Also, around the the 25th week, my bump was big enough that it didn't fit underneath the steering wheel anymore and I had to tilt it up and drive like it was some kind of carnival ride. Then, a some point, I got so big that I had to move the seat back… but my arms couldn't reach the steering wheel!
- People Will Feel Free To Say Rude Things To You. A LOT of rude things.
- Your Pants Stop Fitting Even Though They DO Fit. That baby? Makes your uterus hard. A hard uterus = pants not fitting even if you're not showing at all.
- Weird Hair. Forget shiny and lush – sometimes, your hair is oily and greasy and dandruffy.
- Extreme Horniness. People told me that this would kick in around the second trimester and then go away. Um. I basically wanted to nail my husband every second of every day of my pregnancy. Who cares if I was so exhausted that I also wanted to fall asleep in the middle of it? I WAS HORNY.
- Balance Issues. You know how a drunk college girl walks in stilettos? The way a newborn calf stumbles around? Yeeeeah… they're gonna be graceful compared to you (and don't even get me started on stairs…).
- Nesting Happens Really Early. Literally two seconds after seeing that positive test, I was ready to gut our entire house and rebuild it myself from the ground up.
- Hair In Odd Places. That hair growth thing everyone raves about? Yeah. It happens E V E R Y W H E R E.
- Belly/Butt/Back Zits. You're sexy and you know it. Zits aren't just for your face anymore, grown ass woman! Welcome back, teenage years!
- Mucus And Snoring. Even if you've never snored before or had any kind of sinus issue – it will happen. You are gonna be a sex goddess, I tell ya.
- You’re Excited – Your Doctor Doesn’t Care. Generally, you discover that you're pregnant around the 4-6 week mark and you're SO READY to do something! And yet, your doctor could give a shit. Unless you have pre-existing medical issues, your doctor doesn't even want to see your face until around the 10 week mark. Boo.
- Nipple Freak Out. Yes, your boobies are gonna get bigger but your nipples are also gonna host their own pregnancy party. The color and length will change and stuff will start leaking out of them. Surprise!
- Your Baby Moving Will Feel Like Indigestion. Everyone talked about how feeling the baby felt like bubbles or waves. Mine just felt like I was hungry (and my best friend described her's as having a stomach ache). It's a magical time.
- You’re Going To Feel Cramping Early. This one terrified me. I had a facial scheduled for the day after I found out I was pregnant and had cramping the entire time I was there. I totally thought I was having a miscarriage. Turns out, it's pretty common to feel cramping and as long as it's not accompanied by blood (more than light spotting) – it's fine.
- Your Husband/Partner Will See It All. And I don't just mean in the delivery room. I mean that you'll be getting the full pelvic exam at several appointments (and the first ultrasound is taken using an up-the-vag device). So, if you (or your husband) would like to keep that bit of mystique going for you then check with your doctor before the appointment begins to find out what's happening.
- It Takes Forever to Show. I didn't start showing until I was 20 weeks along. Now, granted, I'm hugely fat but it's totally normal for a first time pregnancy to take a while for that bump to Bump.
- If You’re Glowing, It’s Probably Because You’re Sick. That pregnancy glow? Pfffft, my ass. It's just your sweaty face from all the nausea and interal temperature changes.
- Doctor Appointments Are Boring. B O R I N G. Take a book or your tablet.
- You Get A Lot Of Blood Taken. They're like vampires over there (and you might pass out).
- Expect Regular Dizzy Spells. They're unnerving and pretty frequent.
- You Have To Pee A Lot But Have Nothing To Show For It. Everyone knows that pregnant women have to pee all the time. Truth. But, no matter how badly you feel like you have to go, inevitably – it's like a couple of drops and done.
- Everyone Will Try To Give You Their Old Stuff. Sometimes, this is wonderful (roughly 90% of my daughter's clothes are hand-me-downs) and sometimes, you'll need to come up with tactful ways of saying “I don't want your crap”. Be prepared (and know a good place to take donations).
What was something that surprised you during your pregnancy?