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When I found out I was pregnant, one of the things that made me anxious was the thought of people touching me without my permission. Nearly six months later, this still stresses me out but now I’m having anxiety over the things people say to me. For example, here's some shit people say to pregnant women:
“Oh, you’re not sick. It can’t be that bad. Get over it. Just think positive thoughts and eat some snacks – you won’t feel nauseous.”
Are you fucking KIDDING me? Just because you didn’t feel nauseous or vomity during your first trimester doesn’t mean that I don’t. And please, I don’t care how many happy thoughts I have… I still feel awful. I was MISERABLE during my first trimester (Seriously, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.) and nothing I tried worked. I listened to every suggestion and story and tried nearly everything (anything stupid or dangerous was NOT tried). Nothing worked. So don’t tell me to get over it.
“I know that you’re miserable but The Boy is feeling worse than you. He has to watch you feel awful and can’t do anything to help you.”
I promise you. He does not feel as bad as I do. I understand your thought process but you are mostly definitely WRONG.
“How fat are you?”
Also known as “How much weight have you gained?”, “Are you in your third trimester?”, and their cousin, “That must be one big baby!”. It doesn’t matter how you say it, all of these comments mean the same thing – “Jesus Christ, you’re fat!”. And yes, I KNOW. I do not need you reminding me. I FREAKING KNOW. So stop saying that shit to me.
“You don’t want a natural birth. Midwives are shady. Go to a hospital.”
This is a frustrating one for me because I was raised in a family that did not have babies in hospitals. All I know is birthing centers, home births, and midwives. That’s normal for me – not doctors, surgery, drugs, and hospitals. This is especially frustrating because it almost always comes from people who also tell me horror stories about their or their wives birth… 40 years ago.
Listen, some people and births do require doctors and hospitals. If there is an issue with Baby Voldemort – I will do whatever it takes to make her safe. BUT, that doesn’t mean that every birth requires a medical degree or fetal monitoring. And midwives are not shady – in the state of Texas they are required to undergo frequent and rigorous training and certifications (many have nursing degrees and/or hospital experience). They are safe, professional, and have laws and regulations that they must follow (more than doctors and hospitals, by the way). They are not hippy-dippy or attempting to eat my placenta post-delivery. So back off. I’m not so stupid that I can’t research medical professionals and make an informed decision.
“No, you have to stay at a hospital. You’ll be happier.”
No. No, I don’t and no, I won’t. I have Social Anxiety Disorder. I am an introvert. I am a homebody. I like being home. Post-delivery, I want to stay long enough to monitor/test the baby and take a nice nap. Then, I’m outtie 3000.
“Oh, you HAVE to have a XYZ. No, really!”
No, really! I don’t! See, I’m a little different from most first-time moms out there. I have decades of experience with newborns, infants, toddlers, etc. I’ve literally helped raise hundreds of children. Yes, having my own will be completely different but I do know what products/items I like and which ones are pointless. Trust me, if I do decide that I can’t live without XYZ after the baby is born – I’ll be the first to tell you that you were right.
“You have to use [this product] to prevent stretch marks. I was terrified to get stretch marks when I was pregnant.”
Really? Of all the things to be terrified of during your pregnancy you choose stretch marks? Listen, I’m not pretty and I’ve spent my nearly entire life obese. I have had stretch marks since I was 9. My body looks like a road map. I could give a flip about stretch marks. I’m more concerned about my baby’s health.
And while we’re on the subject, there IS NO PRODUCT out there that prevents stretch marks. No matter what you experienced or companies try to sell you. It is all genetics and weight gain. Yes, you used your product faithfully and didn’t get one while your sister didn’t and got a bunch. Science doesn’t care – it’s a fluke. Yes, you CAN help prevent them by gaining weight steadily and using moisture to help your skin acclimate to changes. But, if you get them – don’t stress. It’s not a big deal. And for those of you without them? Shut up. You’re lucky.
“I’m going to tell you all about my/my daughter’s awful pregnancy and/or delivery. It’s worse than yours.”
Listen to me carefully. No one benefits from hearing these stories. You don’t win a competition. The woman hearing the stories only becomes more anxious. It is lose/lose. Keep them to yourself unless asked about them.
“Do you worry about the baby getting your nose?”
Or ears, or feet, or lack of musical talent. Or whatever it is that you hate most about yourself. Yes, we all worry about that and thank you so much bringing it up. It really makes me feel less stressed and worried.
“You’re having a baby NOW? How old ARE you?”
Also friends with, “I’d never do it” and “You’re crazy” and “You’re going to hate it”.
First, AWESOME. Thanks for the share.
Next, of course I wish I wasn’t 35 (and The Boy wasn't 46) and having our first baby. However, I didn’t meet the man I married until recently and it took a little while for us to conceive. I’m sorry that I didn’t just hop on the first guy I found when I was the “right” age and have a baby then – when I was less educated, had a crap job, and didn’t actually love the guy. Obviously, that is SO MUCH BETTER than waiting until I was in a stable and loving relationship with financial security. My bad.
“Why did it take you so long” / ”Already?”
We’ve been together since 2005. Got legally married in 2011. Had a wedding in May of 2012. I conceived in October 2012. That’s not long after we got married. But, since we’re older, it was important for us to start trying as soon as we were ready. So really, the timing just happened. Also, it’s none of your damn business WHEN we have a baby.
I should finish this off by saying that I have no pride and rarely get embarrassed. I have been asked lots of questions about pregnancy and my experience by people who just don’t know. And that’s fine. I’m happy to answer biological questions and talk about how I’m feeling. What I’m not happy about is people telling me how to feel/experience my pregnancy or trying to force their views on me.
Did anyone say anything crappy to you while you were pregnant?